a Testimony of Faith

In the past, I put my faith in pretty much everything except God. I placed my faith in my diet, health, yoga, work, kids, my husband, and even new age practices that led me further into deception. I kept thinking that if I just got to the next “thing” or pushed myself through responsibilities that it would make me happy. When it didn’t, I resorted to control, or tried to escape through scrolling online, shopping, or detaching with substances. Then I’d feel guilty and throw myself back into work or the kids. It was a vicious cycle that always led me to a place of darkness and anxiousness.

But in 2020 everything changed.

You remember that year, right?

Well, for me, my anxiety and stress went through the roof. I was working myself to death as a means to cope with what was happening. I lost friends, my husband left his job, and we got into a car accident that left me with some serious emotional trauma. By the end of that year, I felt pretty broken. I’d looked everywhere for validation and hope, but it all had led to a dead-end, albeit with more anxiety, more depression, and more stress. All my efforts were worthless. They came up null and void.

Then, one early November morning, I sat in my car in the parking lot of a church. I stared at the old steeple, which looked like a hazy beacon in the mid-morning sunlight. And I thought about all the things that had transpired that year, and all the moments that had led up to this. Anger about the past. Shame about things I’d done. The fruitless efforts that left me more lost than when I started. The life I was currently leading. I had to ask myself some serious questions.

What am I doing?

Where am I going?

Why am I trying to do this alone?

I started crying.

Right then and there, I prayed to God to please change my life. And I said, “I don’t know where this is going but I want to trust you.”

I decided to give this church thing a chance, even though I felt like I was going to catch on fire just walking through the doors. But it was worth a shot.

And let me tell you– ever since that day, God has given me SO much. I came to God with an ounce of faith and He gave me everything. He gave me a new heart, a new life, and a new purpose. All those years of feeling insecure and searching for peace has been replaced with a solid foundation and a real refuge I can count on. I’m standing on the solid rock.

And yeah, even though God is still working on me, I know He’s laid a special direction on my heart. As someone who has struggled so many years with addiction and mental unrest, I know that this is the ministry I want to serve.

I want you to know that there is peace on the other side.

There is hope and future, with Jesus.